I wrote so many words, then Instagram told me that I talk too much. So here is the short version. I signed up to share this makeup almost 4 years ago. I did so many things right, but even more things wrong.
I got inside my head thinking that others would view me as that hey-bossbabe-come-join-my-team person so I backed off. I literally convinced myself that this is what I was doing. I wasn’t.
My husband tried to tell me that I would only sound like that person if I WAS that person. I didn’t believe him. I should always believe him. I stayed. I kept making a little bit of money and I kept loving the product. I was the most inconsistent about sharing and showing up.
March 2020 came and I lost myself for a very long time. I didn’t have a “thing” and I desperately needed that thing. I wasn’t good at much at all. I wasn’t achieving goals. I wasn’t being praised. I wasn’t doing much other than self-loathing, if we are being honest.
Then I read this book called Year of Yes and I realized that I am the QUEEN of getting in my own head and that I say no to everything because I’m paralyzingly afraid of failure. I know I’m amazing at my job so I don’t fear failure in that regard. I didn’t know how I was at this other thing so I was terrified of even trying.
But I was sinking. Quickly. I needed the thing. So I decided to dive in. Bury my head. Do the things. Show up. Learn. Listen. Serve. These are life lessons. These are the things I teach my students but don’t actually do for myself.
These pictures are exactly one year apart. The growth and journey that has happened for all four of us, for better or worse, in this last year, needed to be documented.
I am humbled and grateful and still typing too many words and not making enough sense. But I am eternally grateful for other people’s love and patience and kindness when I was giving myself none of those things. Thank you for helping me find my footing.